Weirded Out

Today felt weird.  Weird because I woke up at 9am to go to my new job, something I haven’t had for four months.  Weird because it was September 11th, and weird because this is the second time I started a job on September 11th, and that other time I started a 9-11 job was actually ON 9-11.

My favorite number is 11, and it has been since the 1990s but today, if I can be honest, eleven is weirding me out.

I had a mini crisis in my mind before I started writing this.  I was trying to put a metal shelving unit together without the instructions because the movers disassembled it to move it, and I fucking lost those directions back in 2014.  I spent 30 to 45 minutes searching for how to put together a metal shelf, had the model number, etc. and even watched two videos on it but I gave up after fifteen minutes cause I just couldn’t focus on the shelves, cause I was focused on the 11 other things I have to do today.

I start all these little projects at home and I swear I’ve finished sixty-five percent of them, but the other thirty five percent are left undone, in the middle of, leaning up against the wall and lying on the floor of my guest room and it just jabs me in the annoyed and frustrated part of the brain when I remember that I have to get back to them.

But why the fuck am I stressing about decorating my apartment while making the most efficient use of my time?   

That’s just how my brain works.  It needs things to think of and tasks to do, and it needs to visualize how to do them, work on them, and then complete the task almost like a computer program.

I hate that today made me feel weird, and just like those unfinished projects, this new job is something that I don’t want to do, but I know I have to do it.  Otherwise there will be shelf, no dresser, no chair to sit on or no money to afford this apartment that keeps challenging me each day.

I’m going to somehow get through this adjustment period, because I know that’s all it is.  I wrote this to help me NOT feel weird anymore, however I might feel weird again along the way and starting and finishing this blog actually made me feel a hundred percent better about my life even though I’m weirded out about the other thirty five.

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