If you knew the future, would it take away the anxiety and the stress we go through when we sit around wondering what’s going to happen next, cause I can’t be the only one who does that. I’ve been thinking about this a lot because I’ve been going through the motions of a thought process that can’t be turned off like the EKG meter of a person on life support. But honestly, I’m really exaggerating cause when it comes down to it, all it really feels like is that I’m waiting for something to happen.
I feel like I need some sort of guidance. I feel like I need some sort of a game plan or a map to tell me where to go next, but it’s so exhausting some times to try and figure out point A. to point B. and what’s the most direct route to get there because I’m in need of a vacation and I’m so tired. Tired of waiting.
What am I waiting for anyway? I don’t think I’ve even stopped to think about that. Is it someone? Is it some “thing?” And by the way, if it is someone, is it someone I know, or is it the someone that I used to know? If it’s some thing, is it an accomplishment, a compliment, or is it the moment when I look up with blank eyes at the clock on my phone and check for some sort of message, or listen for some sort of revelation that I hear in the lyrics of a good song like the title of this blog.
The dichotomy is inspiring and frustrating at the same time, and it can cause to make me angry and make me want to lash out on someone or some thing because I just want to know what happens next, but I keep telling myself, don’t misdirect your rage.
God, sometimes I just get so tired of waiting, but I think I know that what I’m waiting for, is this.
It’s this moment that makes me realize the most important lesson of all is for me to hustle up and learn real quickly that I have to stop waiting for something, and start living for anything. Those aren’t song lyrics, those aren’t a quote from a movie, those are just the words I’ve been waiting to live by.
So in the meantime I’ll be out on my patio at 10 in the morning soaking up the sun and drinking my coffee while I spend my time reflecting on the moment when I woke and figured out the plan at hand which is me waiting…. for nothing.