I Probably Look Like A Douchebag

I fell asleep alcohol free around 10pm last night. I didn’t take any sleeping pill, and I didn’t even have a cigarette before I went to bed. I woke up a few times in the middle of the night sweating, possibly because my body had to detox a little bit from the last few weeks, or possibly because the temperature in my bedroom fluctuates between a cool chill, and a warm breeze throughout the night. I still haven’t figured that part out, but regardless I did something good for me yesterday, yet still kinda douchey. I bought a vape pen.

I’m well aware that smoking is a terrible habit and nothing good will come from it if I continue to smoke other than coughing and black lung, but in the past year I decided that I eventually want to get married and raise a family one day, and I feel like it’s my best interest to be alive longer so that these things can actually happen. So in a effort to make myself a better person and stay on this planet long enough to see my future son and or daughter graduate high school, I had to buy this…

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I didn’t pick the color, but I don’t see this as a fashion statement either so who the fuck cares what color it is? A few years ago I quit smoking for about two months with the help of one of these, but I think it got lost in the move, so I was convinced by the Middle Eastern guy who runs the smoke shop on 99 that this is the cheapest and most effective way to accomplish what I want. I don’t know if this is going to work again so much as it is going to make me look like toolbag taking a puff from a magic wand, but I’m going to give it a chance and try again to quit, and this time I think I have a little more will power.

I get easily distracted with stuff in my life and even though I have never been diagnosed with ADD, I feel like its definitely possible that I could have ADD, so perhaps what I need to do is focus on something all day every day like NOT smoking and really give it a shot.

Sure, I wish it was as simple and just quitting cold turkey, and maybe in a week or so I’ll be able to do that. I just don’t want to turn into a grouchy mess that no one wants to be around. Ideally, I would take a weeks vacation to some tropical island and not bring any cigarettes and just relax at the beach and sip on a few cocktails while I was quitting, but then I woke up, and realized I can’t afford that right now, so me sucking on an electric pipe like the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland is the next best thing.

Wish me luck.

 

14 thoughts on “I Probably Look Like A Douchebag

    1. I wondered, as it went a bit quiet after you said you would post daily. Hence the check in. 🙂 I’m exhausted from life’s craziness, but otherwise okay. Thanks!

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