In honor of throwback Thursday, here is a little post from over 9 years ago. I started blogging on MySpace back in 2004, and every now and then I re-read some of the things I wrote and I try to figure out how that work applies to me today. It was clear to me after reading this that I was in some sort of love/infatuation triangle. These three women had been coming in and out of my life at different times since 1997. In some ways they still are, if it’s as a memory, a phone call, or a rumor I hear through the grapevine. But just like I wrote in the blog, I don’t expect anything, I wait for no one, and ultimately I go my own way. (and yes, that is a legitimate photo of me from 2007, beard and all)
Originally posted on MySpace.com/*starduster
January 10th, 2007
I always believe that I will find out the reasons why something happened when I’m ready to hear it. Sometimes years go by and you think you’re ready every second that passes without hearing a single thing, but if I truly was prepared for the information, it would be here by now. Recently I have had to let go of some questions that were not being answered. It’s a hard thing to do & I would love to know why this happened, but life somehow has a way of timing every thing so perfectly.
So perfectly that when one handful of questions go unanswered, I now find out the answers to other questions like whatever happened to Seattle… three and a half years since I lost contact with her. For the time being I’m taking what’s on my plate one bite at a time even though I’m not sure what it is I’m looking at again. There’s this girl that once existed in my mind and recently she has had a change of heart. There’s another girl that exists in my body and I haven’t heard from her in months. I don’t know when I will see her again, but I’m sure it will happen someday. And then there’s the girl that lives in my spirit and she knows how to see right through to me, and she knows how to get my attention after three and a half years of remaining incognito.
There’s something about the way I walk down the street now that even I notice is different about me. There’s an air of positivity and confidence that along with a million other attributes helps to make up my aura that you can see from across the street on a cloudy day in L.A., or a rainy Thursday morning in the Pacific Northwest. I’d hope that my light can be seen to the shores of Jersey and perhaps as inland as Ohio but I’m not able to find that out right now, so I go with what I know and I let life show me the path I choose to take. I wait for nothing, and I don’t stop for any one because I’ve lifted my anchor for real this time and I’m out to see about a past destiny I almost forgot was ever an option again, until now.
Through it all, I’m sure I’ll have questions answered and new insights spring up. I’m not sure what to expect anymore so I don’t expect anything, but if I know my life well enough it won’t let me forget what’s meant to happen, and it will never lead me any place I don’t want to be. And right now, that’s right here, when this is right in front of me for the first time in awhile. So I go my own way.