The Question Answers the Question

In honor of throwback Thursday, here is a little post from over 9 years ago.  I started blogging on MySpace back in 2004, and every now and then I re-read some of the things I wrote and I try to figure out how that work applies to me today.  It was clear to me after reading this that I was in some sort of love/infatuation triangle.  These three women had been coming in and out of my life at different times since 1997.   In some ways they still are, if it’s as a memory, a phone call, or a rumor I hear through the grapevine. But just like I wrote in the blog, I don’t expect anything, I wait for no one, and ultimately I go my own way.  (and yes, that is a legitimate photo of me from 2007, beard and all)

Originally posted on MySpace.com/*starduster   

January 10th, 2007

I always believe that I will find out the reasons why something happened when I’m ready to hear it. Sometimes years go by and you think you’re ready every second that passes without hearing a single thing, but if I truly was prepared for the information, it would be here by now. Recently I have had to let go of some questions that were not being answered. It’s a hard thing to do & I would love to know why this happened, but life somehow has a way of timing every thing so perfectly.

So perfectly that when one handful of questions go unanswered, I now find out the answers to other questions like whatever happened to Seattle… three and a half years since I lost contact with her. For the time being I’m taking what’s on my plate one bite at a time even though I’m not sure what it is I’m looking at again. There’s this girl that once existed in my mind and recently she has had a change of heart. There’s another girl that exists in my body and I haven’t heard from her in months. I don’t know when I will see her again, but I’m sure it will happen someday. And then there’s the girl that lives in my spirit and she knows how to see right through to me, and she knows how to get my attention after three and a half years of remaining incognito.

There’s something about the way I walk down the street now that even I notice is different about me. There’s an air of positivity and confidence that along with a million other attributes helps to make up my aura that you can see from across the street on a cloudy day in L.A., or a rainy Thursday morning in the Pacific Northwest. I’d hope that my light can be seen to the shores of Jersey and perhaps as inland as Ohio but I’m not able to find that out right now, so I go with what I know and I let life show me the path I choose to take. I wait for nothing, and I don’t stop for any one because I’ve lifted my anchor for real this time and I’m out to see about a past destiny I almost forgot was ever an option again, until now.

Through it all, I’m sure I’ll have questions answered and new insights spring up.  I’m not sure what to expect anymore so I don’t expect anything, but if I know my life well enough it won’t let me forget what’s meant to happen, and it will never lead me any place I don’t want to be.  And right now, that’s right here, when this is right in front of me for the first time in awhile.  So I go my own way.

3 thoughts on “The Question Answers the Question

  1. Anita Carsillo

    I enjoyed it – and the beard didn’t look bad back then! I really don’t like beards!

    Sounds like you’ve done quite a bid of soul searching – which is not bad – hope things work out for you! Luv u, MOM

    On Thu, Apr 14, 2016 at 12:56 PM, Complaining is an Art Form wrote:

    > Christian Marc posted: “In honor of throwback Thursday, here is a little > post from over 9 years ago. I started blogging on MySpace back in 2004, > and every now and then I re-read some of the things I wrote and I try to > figure out how that work applies to me today. It was clear ” >

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Christian, I like your title, “The Question Answers the Question” and of course you know I would ask, “does it?” while smiling! Or better yet, answering the question with another question, just kidding, well maybe not!

    Don’t you find that sometimes re-reading olds thoughts and words act as a trigger of some kind, reminding us of where we are now, and why? This validates the curiosity and questions we once had, or still have. I think you’re right, eventually the answers come, sometimes how they come to us is an unknown, a mystery. We just know it when the answers reveal themselves, by then we may shrug our shoulders with indifference or have the “aha moment”. I agree, time is an interesting thing, as it seems to show us a lot when its ready and we’re ready too.

    It’s always a pleasure to read your writing! Have a wonderful Thursday! ~ Mia

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Mia! Sometimes if you have to ask the question, you know the answer is not what you’re hoping it is. Then why ask the question? Answer for me,is Because I’m unsure of yourself. Its new things that come into our lives that we desire, but when we get them, can we really handle them? This is my thought process on this blog. Maybe it did trigger something that me reminded me of now, and Im finding out what it is. Hope you have a fantastic night. Always smile when I see a comment from you. Be well.
      Christian

      Liked by 1 person

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