The Hanged Man

I woke up to rain on my bedroom window this morning.  I liked that.  It reminded me of a time in my life when I wasn’t quite sure what to do next.  In fact, I’m still in that same place now, and when I read this old blog from 2006, I figured this one fits my mood today.

(Originally posted March 11th, 2006)*starduster

There are days when I feel wonderful, without being able to attribute that feeling to any real event. Of course, my rational mind searches for a reason for my happiness, but if I count the number of times when I do things against my will or better judgment, it becomes obvious that logic and reason do not always apply in this world.

There are times when I feel good about myself after I do something for someone else, but in reality, I only remember how that good deed made me feel, and sometimes this is what helps me sleep at night. There are times when I’m wide awake and I catch myself thinking about shit that isn’t going to get fixed and I tell myself to stop thinking.

I start to fall into a state of sleep but something I heard today jerks me back into a stagnant state of waking consciousness and I find myself wishing my brain had an on/off switch.

There are days like these when I forget I moved to California for the nice weather, and instead I’m irritable and cold no matter how many coffees I put away.

I’m chilly in this moment of life cause I feel I’ve been at a crossroad for awhile and I’m still thinking about which way I’m choosing to go instead of just closing my eyes and walking where I feel I was meant to be.

This is the position I’m in now…meditating and hanging upside-down with nothing to say and everything keeping me from making a choice.

Still, there’s subtle pleasure in that for me, so tonight I’m blanketing myself with indecision and irrational thoughts….but at least I’ll get some rest because I always sleep well when it’s cold and raining.

At least I got that.

17 thoughts on “The Hanged Man

    1. Unmmmm…
      Christian… We’re friends and all so let’s be honest… Was it raining this morning?
      You miss it from this morning?
      Or did I just make fool of myself… Because I read it wrong? Hehe ; )


    2. Because I sounded like a brat! After I posted it I thought I hope he knows I was kidding : )
      When you see text words it’s hard to decipher what is truly being said. You can’t hear the tone : )
      You know anything I ever say is 99% kind and 1 % brat! ; )


    3. I totally didn’t see your comment about me missing the rain. Now it makes total sense. It barely has rained in L.A. so when it does rain I get sentimental. I used to live in Seattle so I miss the rain from a long time ago.

      Liked by 1 person

    4. Ahhhh…. Now it makes sense to me : )
      I’ve always wanted to go there.
      Hope I still didn’t sound like a brat.. : (
      I truly enjoy your posts… : )
      Made me go back and look at my old Myspace….
      Also! What are you doing up so late???


    5. Whaaaaaaaa you mean most aren’t up at 4 am?

      I was doing my treadmill, running, boxing and yoga….. Said, Carisa Never!

      I was up eating come cereal.. Swear!
      I did have a banana in it…does that count as healthy?

      : )

      I want more Myspace memories!!
      : )

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Tosha Michelle

    I’ve spent most of my life hanging upside down. I can’t imagine being right side up. It really fun when it rains. It makes it easier to taste the raindrops. This weird comment brought to you by sleep deprived mind

    Liked by 1 person

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