Rainchecker

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This one was about my ex-girlfriend who had broken up with me in a crowded restaurant in November of 2004.  I contacted her a few months later to try and be friends.  She was kind of a bitch on the phone and made me feel like an idiot.  I wrote this blog right after we hung up.

(Originally posted February 5th, 2005)

Rainchecker

Imagine that you had taken 2 months to finally forgive someone, and that within that time you had little or no contact with them at all.  Now imagine that you start to feel like you want to reconnect with them and you feel this in your soul and in your heart of hearts. You feel this way because you know you are happy with your station in life and you know because you’ve never felt better than right now. You know because life has been good to you lately and has brought you special people and wonderful things that you couldn’t have imagined were possible to show up at the right time.

Imagine that it had taken you so long to finally feel free enough to open up the door and let someone familiar into your soul again. Now imagine that you call them and tell them all of this and they think it’s too soon to reconnect. Imagine that they think you feel like you haven’t healed and that you’re still pining for them in your little apartment in Hollywood. Imagine that they condescend you and treat you “as if” you’re a lost soul with so much tremendous heartache still left in your chest that they think it’s best to take a raincheck on your genuine offer to reconnect as friends.

Imagine you truly know without a doubt that everything they think isn’t true because you know yourself so well….and in reality you’re very much over them and insulted that they would try and protect you from yourself.

I don’t take rain checks on feelings. I don’t push away and pull people towards me only to end up pushing them away again through a parade of e-mails where I say “I love you, and I probably always will.” Probably? What kind of person writes something like that after saying I think it’s too soon for you to see me. It sounds like nonsense. It sounds like bullshit, and it sounds like there won’t be another opportunity for this to ever see the light of day.

This was my closure. This is the way i chose to finally end it.

I know I’ll see her again someday…..probably

2 thoughts on “Rainchecker

  1. moonskittles

    From what I have read so far, I feel you give a lot unconditionally and that is so admirable. Keep doing it, even when you get opposite reactions from others. You have a beautiful soul!

    Liked by 1 person

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